Okay, so this was written for the six sentence story prompt of charm, by girlontheedge. I am blaming this one on the fact I am reading The Stand by Stephen King right now, because its strange and a little twisted. It started off as a cute little idea, someone with a good luck charm, a rabbit’s foot, then it was the foot from a real rabbit, and then the guy carrying it got dark, and well, Happy New Year!

He walked into the house with a good luck charm in his pocket that you wouldn’t realize was the actual foot of a rabbit unless you got close enough to see the small rust colored stain on the fur where it was attached to the keychain like all the dollar store knock offs.

He was a superstitious man, even though his job relied far more on precision and skill than luck, but when you were raised by a woman like his grandmother, the superstition never quite left you, even when you knew it was foolish. 

He was a hard man, the type that in another time people would have accepted as a necessary evil, someone who got things done regardless of the costs, but in the here and now, his ruthless efficiency and cold demeanor scared most people when he let down his mask.  Even when it was up, it was like they could sense it, a lingering aura of death following him home in the case for his M82, which he carefully stowed in his attic until his next job.

When he was clean, and clothed, the charm back in his pocket,  he practiced in the mirror until the smile on his face no longer looked plastic, and then he picked up a different case and walked across the road, bracing himself for the noise within.

He stepped through the door, fifteen minutes before midnight, handing over the case of champagne with his apologies to the host, and sat surrounded by the unsuspecting sheep from his neighborhood, one hand in his pocket, fiddling with the rabbit’s foot to make sure he brought only good luck into the New Year.


Countdown is On!

The year is almost over and this number is a little warning to be careful on deciding who to kiss at midnight. A little bit of comedy as the hopeless romantic goes for that all important midnight kiss at the office new years party. Now overly dark, but my brand of twisted comedy. See you all next year!

I had a minute to midnight and I was a woman on a mission.

The mission, kiss Jeremy Vallincourt.

He was an accountant at the office where we worked, and I had been lusting after him ever since he lost a water fight at the fourth of July picnic, and yanked his shirt over his head to reveal those perfect abs.

I had kept an eye on him all night, chatting here and there, flirting, but it was go time and Jeremy was nowhere to be seen. I was frantically signaling my friend Carly, my wingman for the night when the countdown started.


Carly finally caught wind of my signals and pointed towards Jeremy who was thankfully standing alone, and I started towards him, remembering the first day we met. When he bought me a cup of coffee to thank me for showing him around the office, even though it was my job. I should have snatched him up then.


I narrowly avoided the projectile vomiting of our moron office manager, who never makes it through an event with alcohol without throwing up. Jeremy, kind soul that he is , drove her home from the Halloween party, using a plastic pumpkin as a bucket.


Sarah, the secretary, or whatever the hell she calls herself is heading towards him too and as we meet up, I “accidentally” trip her, causing her to face plant in the punch bowl. So long, competition.


Its just me and him now, I just have to get there…


Almost almost, he turns and sees me, barreling towards him and stops. I hold my breath, hoping he doesn’t turn away, and score, he smiled.


Oh my god, he is heading towards me. This is it, this is it, he is so gonna kiss me at midnight!


We reach each other and stop, staring at one another with stupid grins and I am ready.


He reaches up and pushes my hair behind my ear and then.


Slowly he leans in and I am so ready for this, after 5 months of waiting I am going to get the guy. Me, who never gets the guy.


Oh my god he’s kissing me, its, its, horrible. Oh my god its horrible. This is without a doubt the worse kiss to ever be put upon another person in the history of kissing, and I am backing away and he is following his hands grabbing my ass. I felt him brush up against me, and nope that is not a banana and I jump back.

“Whoo! I guess I drank a little more than I should have. Sorry about that!” I said pretending to be so drunk, that I thought I had initiated the kiss.

Before he could get a word in edgewise I loudly continued. “Yep, better get home. Carly and I are splitting a cab.” I said, and I violently broke through the crowd to Carly and grabbed her arm. She started to protest when I continued “Yep, gonna go home, and eat some PINEAPPLE, and go to bed. High in vitamin C, great for staving off hangovers, PINEAPPLE.”

At the second repetition her eyes widened. “AH yes, the PINEAPPLE. Sorry George, see you around!” She ran out with me, and we dove in a cab as Jeremy yelled out the door, wait.
She stared at me, one raised eyebrow.

“What?” I snapped.

“Well? You aren’t going to explain that? Fleeing your dream guy, amazing dresser, wonderful personality,” She started

“Terrifyingly bad kisser, inappropriate fondler, the type of guy who pops a boner in the worst new years even kiss ever and wont let it stop.” I finished, and she let out a snort.

A second later I joined her, and we laughed until we almost cried.

“Well bright side, you dodged the bullet. Just think, you could have committed to dating him, at least now you can pull a good ‘I was drunk and have no memory of this’ Still akward, but.” She shrugged.

“Yep, definitely. That said, I am never going after a guy from the office again. Too much drama.” I said, seriously, believing it at the time. I even still meant it when I went back to work the next week. Then I met Kevin.


So this one was a little play on the New Years Resolution. There is always someone I know that is announcing “New Year, New Me” and I have this petty part of me that wants to write them all down and announce them later in the year, maybe at their Birthday or the following Christmas. I don’t, and I also don’t do resolutions, and this is about someone else trying to avoid the pressure to make one.

She speed walked down the street, trying to ignore the brightly colored windows advertising everything you need for a better you. This year she had promised herself, no resolutions.

There wouldn’t be a January announcement of better dressing, or grooming, or weight loss. She wouldn’t be telling the world that she was going to get a better job, or become an entrepreneur, or take up some new hobby that she would drop in a week.

This year, she chose one thing and, unbeknowst to even her closest friends, she started it in December. She didn’t wait for the perfect time, the prefect schedule, she just started, quietly, secretly, and hoped that this year, she stuck to her goals.

My Family Vacation

Ok, so this one I will admit is utterly ridiculous. It started as a response the the prompt “a lie getting out of control” and mixed with a little lingering spite I had for a company I once worked at that preferentially gave people vacation based on their family status instead of their seniority. You can imagine where this is going as the main character just wanted his vacations approved.

I just wanted a vacation, to see my parents for the holidays, and I didn’t feel like that was too big of an ask, all things considered. It wasn’t like I was new, in fact I was one of the most senior people on the team, and I was due for a vacation.

I however, had the misfortune of being single, and as a result, the last three attempts to book vacation had been bumped in favor of “letting someone with a family” make an important date.

The last vacation I had managed to get authorized was a week in the dead of February, and even that was at risk when Herbert considered taking his girlfriend on a surprise vacation to propose to her. In the end, I only got my week because Hebert’s girlfriend broke up with him when he brought up the idea of the vacation. Apparently she knew what he was planning, and wanted out before it got anymore serious than it already was.

When Claire mentioned that she wanted to take the holiday for her and her husband to go see their Brother’s new baby, I saw my vacation vanishing, and I spoke before I thought.

“I was hoping to take Linda to meet my parents.” There was no Linda. From there it only grew, as I explained that my relationship with Linda, the woman who I had been seeing casually, had recently become a bit more serious and I wanted to take her back east to meet my parents.

I got my vacation, and intended to “break-up” with Linda following the trip. I forgot entirely about Linda until about three months later, after all, she wasn’t real.

I had never been one to share my personal life at work, I just wasn’t that guy. So I guess no one though anything of it when I never brought her up again. This time I was booking an easter holiday, or trying to, after all, I don’t have kids. I wanted to book around the long weekend so that I could down to Florida for a five day all inclusive.

I waited to be rebuffed, and then someone helpfully asked. “Oh, are Linda’s parents snowbirds?” I stared blankly, and listened to a longer explanation of the term snowbirds than anyone should ever have to endure. The good news was, that half way through thisI figured out who Linda was, and realized I had forgotten to break up, and so I did what anyone in my situation would do. I replied. “Yup, they have a little place down there. Linda and I will be renting a hotel, but If I don’t go down there to meet them, I won’t see them until they come back in June.”

I saw the eager looks on everyone else’s faces, and I didn’t clue in what the big deal was until the beginning of May, when everyone kept asking if I had booked my time yet.

Apparently there was a flower show in May, that everyone assumed I must be taking Linda to, and had I booked the Friday off yet. I took the long weekend, cause I was never able to take a long weekend, and it was glorious, until Monday that is.

Everyone ran over, saw the smile on my face and cheered. Jamie yelled, “Looks like she said yes!” and it all clicked. I nodded, because what could I do, and then I excused myself to my early morning meeting. During which I Googled the flower show and saw it was on a list of “top ten events to get engaged at”. Suddenly it all clicked, I had said I couldn’t wait till June to meet Linda’s parents, and they had thought I had to ask her Father for permission before the May flower show. That’s when things started to snowball.

Linda and I were married a year later, in July, and took a two week honeymoon cruise. I was actually on a single’s cruise, but I came back tan and wearing a wedding band I bought for 50$ at one of the ports, and it was known that I was married.

A year later the hints started, about Linda and I getting up there, were we planning to have kids. I was pissed, it was none of their business about whether or not me and my fictional wife were having kids. When Ernie went too far, joking I couldn’t get it up, I lost it.
“How dare you. This is less than none of your business, what my wife and I do in our home, is our choice. Jesus Ernie, not everyone wants kids, and not everyone who wants them can just have them. When I want to discuss my private life I will, but until then, back the hell off. I am going for lunch.” I stormed out ten minutes early, and then spent twenty minutes in my car, laughing till I cried. I can’t believe I got that angry over Ernie, I mean, he should know better, but Linda wasn’t real.

When I finally calmed down, I realized I left my lunch in on my desk, I faced the embarrassing task of walking back in to claim it. I was stopped by an HR Rep on the way to in, and I thought this was it, my fake Wife had gotten me fired…..

Except she hadn’t. Apparently I was getting the rest of the day off, paid, because of Ernie’s insensitivity. They thought Linda and I were having trouble conceiving, and I was given the day with their sympathies. I couldn’t tell them the truth, so I went home.

After a few months I got so sick of the said looks, and pitying comments, that when I walked in happy, and someone asked, I finally said, “We’re pregnant.” I really don’t know what I was thinking, but I spent a Saturday looking through the appointments I would need and made sure to book the afternoons off, to take Linda to her appointments.

The baby was a boy, we only found out tin the delivery room, wanting to be surprised on that one. He was a week late, and arrived 7lbs 30z, on Saturday morning after nine hours of laobur. His name, David Joseph Jr. , after my Father, and I, dutiful employee that I was, was back at my cubicle on Monday.

After that, vacation was a breeze with doctor’s appointments, vacations, and event things like hockey away games. I could take vacation the same as my colleagues, as long as they never found out the truth about the family.

I spent another twenty years waiting for it to implode on me, and then I was retiring, with David in his third year of University, and his little brother Malcolm about to graduate high school. Linda and I would be moving to Florida for our retirement, and I would never see any of these people again.

The one upside of all this, was that I would have one heck of a story to tell the snowbirds. After all, it isn’t everyday you end up faking an entire family to get Christmas off.